As we grow in holiness our awareness of God’s presence abounds. We seek daily to live in his presence allowing his word to transform our hearts and minds. We have formed love bonds with the Lord while communing in prayer; we have his spirit to empower and teach us, and we have Christ’s righteousness and justification so that we may stand before the Lord without guilt and shame.
We know his ways and his expectations and with his help, we commit to following him. We live sacrificially and give abundantly as we serve and disciple others.
Yet we have never lived one day in complete obedience to Him.
We are still flawed and broken, clay pots with cracks, cisterns that leak, trees that bear no fruit. We fail – we sin.
But God has provided a way for us to maintain our love bond relationship – repentance.
1 John 1:9 “If we [freely] admit that we have sinned and confess our sins, He is faithful and just [true to His own nature and promises], and will forgive our sins and cleanse us continually from all unrighteousness [our wrongdoing, everything not in conformity with His will and purpose].”
STC: How each of us repents, ask for his forgiveness certainly varies.
Below is a prayer of repentance. The words capture what my heart so often wants to say and express. Read it slowly - let it touch you. Feel the writer’s frustration with himself, the deception, pain, and ugliness of sin and then experience God’s gracious love, forgiveness, and restoration.
A Prayer of Repentance:
I have fallen, Lord,
I can’t go on, I’ll never succeed.
I am ashamed, I don’t dare look at you.
And yet I struggled, Lord, for I knew you were right near me, bending over me, watching.
But temptation blew like a hurricane,
And instead of looking at you I turned my head away,
I stepped aside
While you stood, silent and sorrowful,
Like the spurned fiancé who sees his loved one carried away by the enemy.
When the wind died down as suddenly as it had arisen,
When the lightning ceased after proudly streaking the darkness,
All of a sudden I found myself alone, ashamed, disgusted, with my sin in my hands.
This sin that I selected the way a customer makes his purchase,
This sin that I have paid for and cannot return, for the shopkeeper is no longer there,
This tasteless sin,
This odorless sin,
This sin that sickens me,
That I have wanted but want no more,
That I have imagined, sought, played with, fondled, for a long time;
That I have finally embraced while turning coldly away from you,
My arms outstretched, my eyes and heart irresistibly drawn;
This sin that I have grasped and consumed with gluttony,
It’s mine now, but it possesses me as the spider web holds captive the gnat.
It is mine,
It sticks to me,
It flows in my veins,
It fills my heart.
It has slipped in everywhere, as darkness slips into the forest at dusk
And fills all the patches of light.
I can’t get rid of it.
I run from it the way one tries to lose a stray dog, but it catches up with me and bounds joyfully against my legs.
Everyone must notice it.
I’m so ashamed that I feel like crawling to avoid being seen,
I’m ashamed of being seen by my friends, I’m ashamed of being seen by you, Lord,
For you loved me, and I forgot you.
I forgot you because I was thinking of myself
And one can’t think of several persons at once.
One must choose, and I chose.
And your voice,
And your look
And your love hurt me.
They weigh me down
They weigh me down more than my sin.
Lord, don’t look at me like that,
For I am naked,
I am dirty,
I am down,
With no strength left.
I dare make no more promises,
I can only lie bowed before you.
[The Father’s Response]
Come, (add your name), look up.
Isn’t it mainly your vanity that is wounded?
If you loved me, you would grieve, but you would trust.
Do you think that there is a limit to God’s love?
Do you think that for a moment I stopped loving you?
But you still rely on yourself, son.
You must rely only on me.
Ask my pardon
And get up quickly.
You see, it’s not falling that is the worst,
But staying on the ground.
- From “Prayers of life” by Michel Quoist, a French cleric
We are more loved than we can even imagine.